When your soul feels heavy...

Kate Brooks
May 28
3 min read

There are days when the weight of the world presses hard on our hearts — prayer feels pointless, purpose feels far, and the idea of holiness seems... exhausting. You’re not alone. What you may be experiencing is something the early desert fathers knew well: acedia — the “noonday devil.”

But acedia isn’t just ancient vocabulary. It’s a spiritual sickness that still whispers to us today — especially in a world full of distractions, disillusionment, and digital noise.

What Is Acedia?

Acedia (pronounced uh-SEE-dee-uh) is a spiritual condition described by early Christian monks. Unlike physical exhaustion or clinical depression, acedia is a spiritual restlessness and sorrow that resists prayer, virtue, and the call of God. It’s the soul’s refusal to respond to divine love.

The 4th-century monk Evagrius Ponticus described it as a “weariness of the heart.” St. Thomas Aquinas later called it “a sadness about spiritual good.”

It doesn’t shout. It whispers — telling you your efforts are useless, your faith is meaningless, and you’d be better off giving up or distracting yourself.

How Acedia Creeps In

Acedia doesn’t storm in the door. It sneaks in quietly, wearing the disguise of fatigue, boredom, or the desire to escape. You might recognise it in thoughts like:

“What’s the point of prayer? Nothing changes.”
“I’ll do it later — I just need to check my phone first.”
“Mass feels dry, so maybe I’ll skip it this week.”
“This vocation isn’t fulfilling anymore. Maybe I made the wrong choice.”

It thrives in silence, unexamined routines, and isolation. It loves the digital age — infinite scrolling, binge-watching, and surface-level stimulation that leaves the soul even more starved than before.

Recognising the Battle

It’s crucial to understand: acedia is not just a feeling — it’s a spiritual battle.Jesus knew this temptation. In the garden of Gethsemane, His friends fell asleep when they should have been praying. He warned them:“Stay awake and pray that you may not enter into temptation” (Matt 26:41).

Acedia tells you to “numb out,” but Christ says, “Wake up.”

When we name this temptation, we can resist it. When we bring it to the light — in prayer, confession, or conversation — its grip begins to weaken.

How to Overcome Acedia

Overcoming acedia doesn’t mean waiting until we “feel” like praying or working or loving. It means acting in spite of those feelings, trusting that God’s grace moves even in dryness. Here are some concrete tools:

1. Stability

Practice what the desert monks called staying put. Remain faithful to your duties, your prayer times, your relationships — even when it feels pointless. God works in your perseverance.

2. Scripture and the Psalms

Let the Word of God carry you. When you have no words, borrow the words of David: “Why are you cast down, O my soul?” (Psalm 42:5). The Psalms are full of honest cries and hopeful reminders.

3. Care for the Body

You are a unity of body and soul. Acedia often intensifies when you’re sleep-deprived, poorly nourished, or chronically overstimulated. Rest well. Eat mindfully. Move your body. Get sunlight.

4. Community

The enemy wants you alone. Share your struggle with a spiritual director, priest, or trusted friend. You’ll often discover others are facing the same battle — and healing comes in solidarity.

5. Frequent the Sacraments

The Eucharist and Confession are weapons against spiritual apathy. Don’t wait until you “feel holy” — go, receive, be renewed.

6. Do the Opposite

If acedia tempts you to skip prayer — pray anyway. If it tells you to waste time — take a walk and talk to God. Spiritual discipline is formed by choosing what is right even when it’s hard.

In the End, Love Remains

Acedia tells you that you are abandoned. But the truth is this: God is with you even in the silence.Holiness is not about enthusiasm — it’s about fidelity. Every small act of faithfulness is a triumph of grace.

Don’t be discouraged if you’re in a spiritually dry season. You are not failing. You are being invited to grow. The saints, too, wrestled with acedia — and they pressed on. So can you.